I lay here awake

Hearing the clock tick faster and faster

Replaying my whole life on my pillow

Wondering if I could do better

Maybe I could’ve studied harder

Or asked out that girl sooner

Probably could have mastered an instrument

Although I could still be a late bloomer

I’m very easily distracted

Can guarantee that’ll never change

Can start five different hobbies all at once

Go on to quit them all that same day

I’m pretty positive I have trust issues

That I don’t tell my therapist about

Due to when I trusted too much

Later left with a depleted bank account

I think that I’m destined to never find love

Which sadly doesn’t bother me

Like I have another purpose

That only my eyes will see

I would rather be an outcast

Strangely enough I seek everyone’s approval

I’d let everyone cut in lunch line

Which I always found quite comical

I’d say I’m an optimist

Though my idea of what our world’s become is so sinister

Hate lying to myself that everything’s going to change

That it’ll all just magically alter

I’ve drained a lot of happiness out of myself

Over these past few years

Gluing a smile on my face

Soon it still disappears

I can’t seem to tell others

That my heart slowly turns black

That my patience quivers undeniably

Don’t want to see my internal walls crack

I think that I feel content

For I still smile regularly

Though I know I’m not okay

But that secrets safe with me.

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